Hickie Prevention 101 - Refresher Course

It's that time of year again people...The Navajo Nation Fair, Central Navajo Fair, New Mexico State Fair, and other places folks seem to congregate seeking "knowledge" of the opposite sex. I decided to repost this because I have seen too many hickie neck scapes in the last couple of weeks. Please, read carefully.

Originally posted April 22, 2005

Mad Sci

-The scientific term for "hickeys" is ecchymosis from the Greek "ek" for out and "khumos" for juice, in other words to suck the juice out of your neck or more medically speaking to extravasate blood. Indeed a hickey is nothing else than a bruise! Bruises are caused by ruptures of capillary blood vessels in the subcutaneous tissue. The extravasated blood pools into the surrounding tissues and cause the typical purple/red discoloration of the skin. The breaking of the blood vessels may be caused by a variety of physical abuses to the skin (bumping into an object, falling, strangling, etc...) but in the case of hickeys, the damage is created by the vacuum applied to the neck or other parts of the body by the lips and mouth of the hickey donor.
Note that hickeys are more likely to occur in areas where the skin is thin (and hence capillaries are closer to the surface) such as the neck or medial aspect of the arm or the abdomen. Areas such as the back or thighs benefit from a thicker epidermis and hence are much less susceptible to vacuum-caused ecchymoses.-

So, you woke up with silver dollar sized purple hickies that hurt like a bitch. You dumbass. He or she had better been worth it. Getting rid of them is a problem and you are trying to figure out how to remedy this badge of stupidity, especially if your significant other was not the one who gave it to you or if you are trying to hide them from your mom. If you like hickies, then this blog is not for you. You freak.

Dispite what you hear, there is no remedy to get rid of a hickie except for time. If there is one, the science community has not seen it.

Now, if you want to prevent a hickie, this blog can help you. Here is the *top 10 ways of preventing a hickie. Please, heed to every word...

1. Stay home.
2. Go to church.
3. Don't wash your neck for a week before your night out.
4. Don't look up, that's just inviting a hickie opportunist.
5. Pick your nose when making out.
6. Eat garlic before getting hot and heavy and breathe heavily.
7. Fart during getting hot and heavy, that turns off everything.
8. Dowse your neck with Habanero pepper sauce.
9. Wear a spiked dog collar.
10. Wrap your neck with duct tape.


*For neck area only.
** May experience side effects such as being called "Stinky Neck", public embarrassment, no second date, pepper burns, chafing, and a hairless neck.

It's up to you to say Hickie No Mas.

Any suggestions are welcome. This epidemic must be stopped.

Insanity in the Duke city

This has been a rough week for the largest town in the Land of Enchantment. It seems that all the degenerates across the Duke City wanted to come out and change the lives of everyone for the worst. Albuquerque's finest buried two of their brethren this week. Officers Michael King and Richard Smith were were shot and killed in the line of duty on August 18. In addition to these two murders were motorcycle shop workers Dave Fisher and Garrett Iverson, and NMDOT worker Ben Lopez. All the killings were allegedly committed by one person and he's pussin' out by pleading insanity.
It was cool to see everyone from people sitting at the bus stops to skate boarders stop what they were doing and watch the funeral procession as it trailed through the city. Man, it was a site to see so many pay their respects.

In other news, a woman was getting stabbed by her ex-husband in the deli department in a SE Wal-Mart when a man, a customer, shot him to death. THAT'S TRUE JUSTICE. The lady is said to be recovering from her wounds in an Albuquerque hospital. Oh, and this is the reason why I stay out of Wal-Marts now, because if I go postal in there, I'm might get gunned down.

Y'know I could go on and on about true justice but I'm in such a good mood today, I'd hate to ruin it. Honestly, I think a short rope and a long fall is in order for John Hyde. Punishment doesn't fit the crime anymore. Man, that would cut violent crimes in all of our cities if that were reinstated, wouldn't it?

Another Heavy Metal Christmas has come and gone

08-23-05_2140.jpg
Originally uploaded by jaecee.

Well, the Ozzman cometh and wenteth...
Hey metal heads this was one of the best shows that I had ever attended. I remember the first time I saw Ozzy Osbourne was with Metallica back in 1986 at the Tingley Coliseum. Man, what a show.

Now in 2004 and 2005 OzzFest shows, he still does not let up on the true metal cause. I hope that I'm that active and crazy when I'm up in my 60's.....I just have to stop fuckin' cussing so much and injesting wobbly pop and sour mash. Hmmm....that's the ticket.

Well the show was a blast from the start. I got there a little after 1 o'clock and saw a bit of Kill Switch Engage who, by the way, is going immediately into my CD case as soon as payday rolls around.

Rob Zombie, the blood suckin weirdo, rocked us all and also invited little ol' Albuquerque metal brains to be recorded on a live recording. I hope we don't hit the cutting room floor.

Also being added to my list of new faves is Mudvayne. Whoa, a monkey suite does not make them an odd group of freaks.

08-23-05_2129.jpg
Originally uploaded by jaecee.

Now here comes Velvet Revolver..... hmmmm. Either these guys are still on drugs or they needed alot more rehearsing. There seemed to be alot of things that just didn't seem to be in sync with their set. Scott Weiland's whiny voice didn't do it for me. It was cool to see Slash and Duff McKagen though.

Black Sabbath. I can't say anything that will sugar coat this bands evilness and mind blowing sound. I was before the metal geniuses of the 20th and 21st centuries. And they are closing in on being a century old. Of course, this is the last year of the Black Sabbath's headlining of the OzzFest tours, I am so glad to see them. Not once, but twice!

The whole day was generally warm, but not hot like last years arm pit heat. It did rain on us pretty well during the Shadow's Fall set. I was diggin' the white t-shirts ladies. Oh, yeah.

I rate this show, 4.75 stars out of 5 because of Velvet Revolver's lackluster performance and the absence of IRON MAIDEN. Rock on my good people!!!

Fishin' and prayin'

Big Un #2
Originally uploaded by jaecee.

I miss fishing. I just figured that out. Since I moved to the Albuquerque area, which was 2 years ago, I haven't wetted a line and felt the slight tug of a big bass slurping in a plum Zoom SS+U-tale worm. I know there's some fishing spots here in Albuquerque and some of the surrounding lakes but it's not the same as it was at Morgan Lake.

Yeah, I know, there's the APS powerplant and may make the fish undesireable for eatin', but I went there to fish and release what I didn't use. I assure you, take from an environmental engineer, it's ok to eat the fish, just make sure you discard the ones with ears and hands. Ha ha, I'm just joking, the fish are very safe to eat.

I'm digressing, I know but I really miss walking along the banks of the western dam Texas rigging around the rocks for some action.

At the time I was doing my most fishing was when I was still working at Sears and taking classes at San Juan College. I still continued through the times I attended NAU up until I graduated in the spring of 2003.

It was a time for me to think, plan, and talk to God. I prayed a lot when I was on the lake. Not for a fish to bite but for a glimpse of clarity of my life's path. I couldn't do this in a church. Someone once told me that I wasn't a Christian because I didn't do it thier way. "Huh", I said, "I'm glad I don't worship your god too."

Lately, I've been looking at my blog and I've found that my mood is not always good. I know it's part of my shtick but I find that it doesn't really represent who I am. For those that don't know me, I'm really not that grouchy, especially when I'm fishing. I guess I'll have to get out there soon and see if Bertha is still in there.

The fish you see measures about 26" long and weighed about 12lbs. I'm sure it would have been a Navajo Nation record and may be a New Mexico record, I just don't know. Fortune sometimes doesn't have witnesses. Well, God was there, he'll vouch for me.

*In case you were wondering, this fish was released.*

Sometimes shit happens and you wonder why the metal gods are still smiling upon you

Dream Theater
Originally uploaded by jaecee.

Indeed they were this day. From the back row to the front row...well, just closer.

Getting seated at GIGANTOUR was an adventure in itself. In my concert-goer advanced age of 33 and with the order from my wife, I found my self looking at the Journal Pavilion website looking at the "what to bring and what not to bring" lists because I heard that a fan could bring a beach chair, disposable camera, small umbrella, snacks, and a sealed bottle of water not to exceed 1.5 litres.

Believe me, I would have just came with a camera and a fist full of cash for a concert T-shirt and a couple of beers, but she wouldn't have come if she wasn't comfortable. Sure, I thought, what the hell, it could be nice.

So, we went shopping.... first for some beach chairs (camouflaged ones because bright fucking blue and red is not tough), baggies for the snacks, frozen jugs of water, ice and some beer for the pre-event tailgating.

All was golden until we got to the parking area and read signs stating that alcohol is prohibited in the parking areas and violators would be severely prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Aww shit, and they were fucking cold too.

Oh well, we can kick back on our kickass beachchairs with a cold one inside the gates and watch the show while snacking on grapes and crackers. Please, don't ask me why, I would have stuffed a baggie with hotdogs and sheephead if I could, but she didn't.

Ok, now we were unpacking and we noticed, as I expected, we were the only ones to follow the advice of the list. I felt like I was going to the concert with only after my mom pinned my tickets to my shirt and that I had clean underwear on. The mosh seeking toughness oozed out of my ass at this point...but my wife was gleaming with excitement and she deserved it. Fuck it, I'm going to see a metal god too.

Well, we get to the gates after a short down ward journey with my metal countrymen and with luggage in tow......and only to be turned away for our beach chairs were too high because the were exceeding the 9" limit. Ok, OK....fuck, I couldn't find anything lower than these!!! Still smiling we said, OK, we'll just dump them in the truck and bring a blanket to lounge on. The trek up the hill began, but was cut off by Dave the golf cart dude. Hell yeah, we'll hop on......"too the truck Dave!"

Now we dumped the chairs and in hiding slammed a beer because we couldn't break the seal of the water bottles and because it was so fucking hot. Back to gates my love and she nodded! Dave was still there and we jumped back on the JP Express to the gates.

When we got there, the dude who rejected us the first time told us that the chairs were indeed allowed and they had tried with all their might to tell us that they were. My sweaty brow really didn't give a shit, so, "back to the truck, Dave!" On our second time up the hill, Dave was just as urked as we were because alot of the rules were not defined and known to the JP workers. Oh well, at least he was more than willing to cart us around.

Ok, another slam of a cold one and we were off again with our lawn chairs.... and then Dave asked for our tickets..... "hey, you guys are in section 4", he said.....I thought were were on the lawn along with all the other black garbed metal freaks. No, we actually had seats. Dave asked if we wanted to go see them and we obliged...... we went around the back way and found that the seats were close and somewhat centered, and on the fucking aisle, I could have cried. "Back to the truck, David my friend, we have got to unload these fucking chairs", and he again was more than willing..... I'm not sure why, but I think he felt like a hero for doing so. And again, after a little contraband of barley pop, we were carted back to the very spot where we were going to view the rest of the show. Dammit, we should have snuck in a real camera because Dave didn't seem to care what we brought. Wow, a ten spot is well deserved by The Dave......."to the can, Dave", damned them beers!

The moral of this story is ........ look at what you paid for and look at your tickets you dumbass, it could save you some cash, especially when buying beers at a metal show.

Rock on

Metal phonies and the metal devout

MEGADETH
Originally uploaded by jaecee.

Well, my wife and I went to Gigantour. This is my 100th something concert and my wife's second, the first time I took her to a show was the Summer Sanitarium Tour in Denver with Deftones, Mudvayne, Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit, and Metallica headlining. What a way of breaking her into the concert scene, I thought she would never return to a show with me after she got tossed over the front barrier when Metallica started the Ecstacy of Gold. She did, with a grain of salt, accompanied me to see Megadeth, Dream Theater, Fear Factory, and a bit of new metal ensembles, Dillenger Escape Plan, Symphony X, Dry Kill Logic, Nevermore, Life of Agony, and Bobaflex. Compared to the big open floor stadium concerts of yesteryear this concert proved to be tamed and income controlled. I think Dave would have torn down all the little pussy chairs that were before the stage at the Journal Pavilion if he could have the chance, I would. As I looked around to see who attended this show it seems odd that the trueist of metal fans were up in the lawn trying to spawn a revolution against the privileged and the fake who were sipping wine down in front.

So she threw her panties at me as I sang to a crowd of thousands....

I'm a guitar player and singer. Maybe not a good one, but I'd win a karoke match for the effort. Well, maybe because I would suck less than everybody else.

On my way to work was non eventful but it did come to an apex at one point along the way. I got up, showered and dressed, hopped in my truck and drove north along Unser Blvd and then east on US 550 to Bernalillio. In my normal morning ritual of driving to work, I would tune into 94 Rock and listen to the 94 Rock Morning Show with T.J.Trout, Erica Viking, The Rainman, and Swami Rob on sports (yeah, yeah, shameless plug, but I'm trying to brown-nose for some fucking OzzFest Tickets because my poor ass self is a poor ass) and take the 40 minute drive to work, but this morning....one thing made it all different.

I got in my truck and immediately heard the sounds of Eagles from the CD I left in my head unit the night before. Ah hell, I left it to play....

...runnin' down the road trying to loosen my load, got seven women on my mind......

Ok, down the road I went with the windows rolled down. Witchy Woman and Lyin' Eyes came up....singin at the top of my lungs.....damn, I'm good if I do say so my self.....well, compared to Fenders II (not Fenders I) standards of a Fort Defiance Chapter House dance. I skipped the fourth track because I wanted to sing and rolled into Bernalillio.....

Deeeesperadoooooo....

I rolled to the second stoplight, minding my own damned business and still singing with 70's vigor.....

...do your feet get cold in the winter time...

and then I looked to my right as two blond girls in their car next to me were looking at me....applauding and hootin' and shoutin'..."BRAVO!!!" My face turned beet red, but I continued to sing as I drove away...but they caught up and continued they're fake deluge of fanatic grovel...I was indeed embarassed and at the same time...amused and noticed a swelling of my ego. Ha ha!!! Could I still have it? Well, maybe not but it's nice to think so. I wonder if Paula Abdul would try to nail me too if I was a contenda. Ha Ha Ha Ha. Rock on my good people!!!

The title caught your attention, huh.

The window

The window
Originally uploaded by jaecee.

Lately I've been feeling like I'm at the end of my rope, and I want to let go. I have been asked to take on a very large responsiblity,a responsibility that should be taken care of by someone else who is very capable. Believe me, I'm am not one to pass a buck, I just feel that people should realize and accept they're weaknesses, and learn from them. Damn, the first part hasn't been figured out. One of the rules of being a Dine'(Navajo) is taking care of your family at any cost, I understand that totally but only if they know that they can't help themselves. In this case, capability is masked by stupidy and pride. Bullshit. Family means everything to me but I can't help in this matter. Maybe I'm being an ass, but I'm the first one to admit the that I fucked up. I'm just tired of people enabling others.

Throught that window there is light, and the light is good. Sometimes the darkeness brings comfort but only to the clouded mind.