Hickie Prevention 101

This is to all of you partaking in the Gathering of Nations Pow Wow festivities. You know who you are. Beware the chile seed!
Mad Sci

-The scientific term for "hickeys" is ecchymosis from the Greek "ek" for out and "khumos" for juice, in other words to suck the juice out of your neck or more medically speaking to extravasate blood. Indeed a hickey is nothing else than a bruise! Bruises are caused by ruptures of capillary blood vessels in the subcutaneous tissue. The extravasated blood pools into the surrounding tissues and cause the typical purple/red discoloration of the skin. The breaking of the blood vessels may be caused by a variety of physical abuses to the skin (bumping into an object, falling, strangling, etc...) but in the case of hickeys, the damage is created by the vacuum applied to the neck or other parts of the body by the lips and mouth of the hickey donor.
Note that hickeys are more likely to occur in areas where the skin is thin (and hence capillaries are closer to the surface) such as the neck or medial aspect of the arm or the abdomen. Areas such as the back or thighs benefit from a thicker epidermis and hence are much less susceptible to vacuum-caused ecchymoses.-

So, you woke up with silver dollar sized purple hickies that hurt like a bitch. You dumbass. He or she had better been worth it. Getting rid of them is a problem and you are trying to figure out how to remedy this badge of stupidity, especially if your significant other was not the one who gave it to you or if you are trying to hide them from your mom. If you like hickies, then this blog is not for you. You freak.

Dispite what you hear, there is no remedy to get rid of a hickie except for time. If there is one, the science community has not seen it.

Now, if you want to prevent a hickie, this blog can help you. Here is the *top 10 ways of preventing a hickie. Please, heed to every word...

1. Stay home.
2. Go to church.
3. Don't wash your neck for a week before your night out.
4. Don't look up, that's just inviting a hickie opportunist.
5. Pick your nose when making out.
6. Eat garlic before getting hot and heavy.
7. Fart during getting hot and heavy, that turns off everything.
8. Dowse your neck with Habanero pepper sauce.
9. Wear a spiked dog collar.
10. Wrap your neck with duct tape.

*For neck area only.
** May experience side effects such as being called "Stinky Neck", public embarrassment, no second date, pepper burns, chafing, and a hairless neck.

It's up to you to say Hickie No Mas.